


A Phantom Guide to Status Ailments

by alvahana



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Bromance, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Mementos (Persona 5), Status Effects, Team Bonding, Team Dynamics, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:09:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28381488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alvahana/pseuds/alvahana
Summary: Just a collection of plotless snippets on various status effects and weather warnings during Mementos runs.Day 1: Pollen Warning – JokerDay 2: Despair Spell – FoxDay 3: Fear Spell – SkullDay 4: Hunger Spell – PantherDay 5: Rage Spell – Queen & Noir
Comments: 22
Kudos: 80





	1. Day 1: Pollen Warning

**Author's Note:**

> I have six chapters planned out so far. If muse strikes I may add more, but I have to admit for some characters I'm having a hard time thinking of a status effect that suits them.

**5/31 Pollen Warning – Joker**

“Joker, you sure you’re okay?” Ann asked in concern as she leaned forward and draped her arms over the top of the front seat. They were traveling through Mementos in Mona-bus with Akira behind the wheel, as per usual.

“Yeah, it’s only pollen allergy,” Akira said with a sniff, his voice hoarse. “I get like this every spring. Just didn’t expect it to get worse here of all places.”

Ryuji, riding shotgun, gave him a sympathetic look. “But you really don’t sound great, man, and you look miserable.”

Akira couldn’t argue with that; he did feel miserable. Like his nose swollen to twice its usual size, his mouth filled with cotton balls, and his throat rubbed with sandpaper. Every part of his face itched as the mask kept chafing against his skin. He knew his eyes must be bloodshot and watery, his nose pink and puffy.

Ugh. Some sleek leader he was.

As if to demonstrate his pathetic state, a sneezing fit came on suddenly. It was a small consolation that he managed to cover his nose and mouth with his elbow in time to avoid spitting all over the windshield, or Mona, to be precise.

Ann and Ryuji winced. Even Yusuke, sitting next to Ann, had a worried expression. “Maybe we should stop by the rest area, take a breather?”

“It’s annoying, but nothing I can’t handle,” Akira said between sniffs, his attention refocused on the road ahead. There was no need to worry his team more than he already did. “The target’s close anyway. We should go finish what we came for.”

At the leader’s stubbornness, Ryuji counter-offered, “How ‘bout I take over the wheel for ya for a while?”

“Do you know how to drive?” Morgana’s voice, laced with obvious suspicion, came from above.

“Not really.” Ryuji shrugged. “But I’ve played enough driving video games to know how it works.”

“Then that’s a hard NO. I won’t let you leave a scratch on my body!”

“Hey, it’s not like Joker got a driving license either!” Ryuji shot back.

“But he’s Joker. And he’s had more than a month of impeccable driving record in Mementos by now, so he’s qualified to be the designated driver.”

“I hate to say this,” Yusuke chipped in. “But when it comes to taking the wheel, I trust our miserable looking Leader more than untrained Skull.”

“Ditto.” Ann agreed.

Ryuji huffed. “Fine, just tryin’ to help.”

Akira gave the blonde a rueful smile. “Sorry, Skull. But thanks for offering any–” and that was when another violent sneeze caught him off guard. His body jerked involuntary, his grip on the steering wheel tightened and twirled it to the right, which sent the Mona-bus to a sharp turn on a straight road, heading full speed to the adjacent wall.

“JOKER!”

“Watch out!”

“AHHHHHHHH!”

Just before they collided with the wall head-on, the leader managed to step on the brake at the last second, and the car came to an abrupt halt only an inch away from the concrete. The impact, however, jolted and threw the passengers forward, slamming Akira into the wheel, Ryuji into the windshield, and Ann and Yusuke into the seat in front respectively.

“Ouch…” Everyone let out groans and moans while rubbing their foreheads. Busy catching their breath, no one was able to form a coherent sentence for a long while.

“…On second thought,” Morgana spoke up, at last. “How about we walk for the rest of the trip?”


	2. Day 2: Despair Spell

**6/19 Despair Spell – Fox**

“How do we expect civilization to ever evolve this way!?” exclaimed Yusuke, his head raised and hands held high in an exaggerated manner. “A world in such a rotten state is _not_ a world worth living in!”

“Calm down, Fox…” Ann said. “It’s not the end of the world.”

“But _it is_! Why can’t you see it!?” He snapped back, eyes widen in desperation, and grasped Ann’s shoulders with both hands.

“Ouch!” The blonde flinched. His grip was surprisingly strong for someone as scrawny as he was. “Okay okay I see it now!” The answer seemed to suffice, as the artist let go instantly and returned to grieve over the dreary landscape of Mementos.

Standing twenty feet away, Akira, Ryuji and Morgana had been watching Yusuke bellowing nonstop about the doom of humanity for the last ten minutes, while Ann tried to talk some sense into him.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say his status effect is Melodrama, not Despair,” Ryuji said, and snickered. “He’s kind of a drama king right now.”

Akira shrugged. “He’s Fox. He feeds on bean sprouts and sleeps in piles of canvases. What else do you expect?”

“Ya got a point.” Ryuji then put a hand around his mouth and shouted, “Com’on dude, just let us cure you with a Relax Gel and you’ll be back to normal.” Then he added in a much lower voice, “Or as normal as it gets.”

That brought a holler from Yusuke. “NONONONO! You mustn’t take my muse away from me! Not yet!” He was flinging his arms around vividly again. “This despair, this feeling of hopelessness – I must capture it before it fades away!” A dramatic pause. “My canvas! I need my canvas right this instant!” Then he grabbed a sketch book and pencil from his pocket and started drawing frantically, seemingly absorbed in his own imaginative world.

Morgana sighed, defeated. “Joker, what should we do?”

The leader shoved his hands into his pockets. “We may as well let him paint for a while.” He added after a moment, “As long as we don’t stay in the same spot for too long, it shouldn’t be a problem.”

The feline nodded. “I suppose it won’t hurt.”

Ann had finally given up on persuading Yusuke by then, and joined the trio to stand aside and watch. He alternated between viciously sketching and babbling something akin to “doomsday” and “destruction” and “purgatory”, the desperate expression never once left his face. The leader was sure the artist was on the verge of tears at some point. Ann said she actually saw a tear or two sliding down his face.

As soon as Yusuke finished the drawing, Morgana sneaked up on him and threw out a Relax Gel, clearing him of the status ailment. The lanky teenager stumbled for a bit before he straightened up, and then noticed the sketch book in his hand. His eyes widened in astonishment. “Oh my…”

“Wow, it’s stunning, Fox!” Ann said, peeping from his shoulder.

“D-Did I draw this?” Yusuke stuttered.

“Who else could it be, man?” Ryuji said. “You’re the only one who can draw somethin’ this good.” Although he didn’t understand art at all, he could still tell it was a great piece of art – it was even more moving, more captivating than Yusuke’s usual work. Just by looking at it Ryuji could feel a sense of hopelessness creeping into him, yet he couldn’t bring himself to tear his gaze away.

“This,” Yusuke gestured at the painting, then at the surroundings. “This emotional depth…How did I fail to depict this anguish before–” His self-reflection was interrupted by the loud honk of Mona-bus, followed up by an impatient shout from the feline. “Come on, guys! We really should get going before the Reaper shows up!”

Akira gave Yusuke a pat on his back. “Fox, we can admire your work later. Let’s go.” With that the rest of the gang obligatory hopped on and headed for the next floor.

The rest of the Memento run went smoothly, at least until they ran into a group of Shadows the same as those casting Despair on Fox earlier. The good thing was after the last encounter, the Thieves were pretty familiar with how they moved and had a good strategy to deal with them. The enemies were targeting at Yusuke again with the Despair spell for some reason, and he would have no problem dodging it since he clearly saw it coming, except he had no intention to duck at all. If anything, Akira swore he saw Yusuke jumped right in front of the spell like he _wanted_ to get hit, and he did.

“Seriously, dude!?” Ryuji yelled.

“Ugh…not again…” Ann whined.

Morgana threw his paw over his face. “I can’t believe this…”

The leader simply shook his head, more amused than annoyed, and leapt into the air to strike the enemies.


	3. Day 3: Fear Spell

**7/15 Fear Spell – Skull**

Akira gave the last standing Shadow a final blow before turning around to his Fear afflicted teammate. “Alright, Skull. I’ve got Relax Gel–” Except Ryuji wasn’t where he was supposed to be. “…Where’d he go?”

“He was _right here_!” Makoto, usually calm and collected, sounded somewhat rattled.

Yusuke was the first to spot the blonde. “There!” He pointed in the direction of a dim tunnel leading to the other side of the floor.

“Skull no! Don’t run away!” Ann called out, and Akira spun around only in time to catch a fleeting glimpse of a figure sprinting away and disappearing into the maze of Mementos.

“Damn, he _is_ fast!”

Morgana wasted no time to transform into a vehicle, and yelled, “Hop on, everyone! We need to catch him before he runs into more Shadows. He won’t be able to defend himself!” And the four Thieves scrambled up Mona-bus to go after their friend.

Thankfully, Ryuji hadn’t gone far; they found him huddling next to a treasure chest in a room on the same floor, his arm encircling his legs and his head buried deep in his knees. He seemed smaller than ever.

“Hey Skull, you doing okay there?” Akira approached with a soft voice, wary of startling him. When the blonde jolted and snapped up his head, eyes widen in fear, the leader held up both hands in a pacifying gesture. “It’s okay buddy, it’s just us.”

He expected Ryuji to calm down, even if only a little. What he didn’t expect was his friend rushing to him and hugging him like a baby koala clinging to his mother.

“Akiiiiiraaaaa! P-Please don’t l-leave…Don’t leave m-me alone!” Ryuji bawled, his voice muffled in the leader’s shoulder, shaking like a leaf. “T-Those monsters are scary as s-shit!”

Akira blinked. Morgana sniggered. Ann squeaked while Makoto let out a sigh in relief and Yusuke made a frame with his hands at the sight.

The leader regained his composure after a moment. He wrapped his arms around Ryuji to return the embrace, adding a few pats on the other’s back.

“Don’t worry, Skull. We won’t ever leave you behind. You’re a part of the team.” He said in a reassuring tone, hoping it would soothe his nerve enough to let go, but he just clung to him tighter.

“Awwww, look at these two!” Ann said in giddy delight. “Aren’t they cute?”

“It sure is a heartwarming sight to behold,” said the artist, amusement plain in his voice. “Though I never would have guessed Skull to be the cuddling type.”

Makoto was the one who came to his aid. “Skull, if you’d let Joker go for a moment? We can heal your ailment with a Relax Gel.” Putting a hand on Ryuji’s shoulder, she tried to gently pry the blonde away, but he simply wouldn’t budge.

“Nonononono I don’t wanna!” If anything, Akira sensed his grip getting even stronger. It was becoming kind of hard to breathe.

“S-Skull, it’s a-alright…” He managed to utter in between gasps for air. “It’s just Queen. You’re s-safe.” Then he glanced sideway at Ann and Yusuke. “G-Guys? A little h-help? I can’t breathe…”

It took a lot of coaxing and the joint effort of all four of them to get Skull loosen his death grip (No thanks to Morgana, who was apparently enjoying it way too much and just standing by the side saying “Ohhh boy, I wish I could record this. It’ll be perfect blackmail material!”). But in the end, Akira was able to breathe properly, retrieve a Relax Gel from his pocket and use it on Ryuji. The effect was almost immediate, as the blonde suddenly jumped away, his terrified expression morphed into a combination of shock and abashment.

“Skull, you good?”

“Y-yea,” he stuttered. “…Sorry ‘bout that. I wasn’t thinking right.” He scratched the back of his head in embarrassment.

Akira waved him off with a “no worries”. Morgana and Ann teased the blonde boy for a bit, but seeing his frustrated slouch they figured it was best to lay him off for the moment.

As they walked back to the Mona-bus to head out of Mementos, the leader noticed Ryuji trailing along behind him as if to stay as close as possible, and wondered if the Fear effect was still lingering.

“Queen, you mind taking the wheel for the return trip?” Akira asked.

“Sure,” said Makoto, her head slightly tilted in a questioning manner.

“I’m just gonna sit in the back with Skull for a bit.” Akira reached out to grasp Ryuji by the shoulder, ushering him to the last row of Mona-bus. “Come on, Skull.”

The leader didn’t miss how his friend perked up and beamed at his words.


	4. Day 4: Hunger Spell

**8/13 Hunger Spell – Panther**

Akira was firing off an ice attack when out of the corner of his eye, he saw a Hunger spell flew across the floor and hit Ann from her blindside. The blonde wavered, clearly struggling to keep her footing, and her hand wielding the whip came to a sudden halt. Seeing her impaired state, the leader turned around to the reserve team staying at the back.

“Queen, take Panther. Mona, you’re up!”

“Got it!” Morgana immediately jumped in, while Makoto rushed to Ann and guided her to the sideline. 

Having the feline joining him, Skull and Fox at the front line, it didn’t take long before they surrounded the remaining foes, ending the fight with a well-timed all-out attack. With the threat gone, Akira trotted to the girls while digging into his pockets searching for the curing item, and frowned when he couldn’t find one. 

“Mona, you got any Relax Capsule left?” 

“Fox used the last one when he got hit with Sleep earlier, remember?” 

“…Right.” Akira silently berated himself for forgetting that – it was his job as the leader to keep count of the inventory. But then he noticed Ann hadn’t said a word since she was hit. Crouching against the wall, the girl had her knees bent and her hands wrapping tightly around her stomach.

“Panther, are you in pain?” He stooped and asked, worried. 

The others had also stepped closer, forming a protective circle around the afflicted teammate. Makoto had a hand on her back. When she didn’t answered, Morgana gently nudged her knee, “Panther…?” 

She raised his head slightly after a beat, her face flushed with abashment. “I…” she started, and then murmured something quietly, too low for anyone to pick up. 

“Huh? What’s that?” The feline prompted.

“I…I’m hungry,” she said in small voice, and as if to emphasize the statement, her stomach chose the same time to produce a loud rumble. “…really, really hungry...like _starving_.” 

Everyone froze momentarily, and then Ryuji burst out laughing. Morgana swiftly glared at him. 

“Don’t laugh, you jerk!” Ann huffed. “It already sucks to feel like there’s a gigantic black hole in my stomach...!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Ryuji said, still cackling. 

“Ah, I understand the gustatory sensation,” Yusuke chimed in calmly. “I used to get this deep emptiness in the pit of my stomach after days of going without solid food.” Everyone grimaced at his remark, sharing the same thought: _Exactly how did he survive before?_ But the lanky was unfazed, and continued, “There is no need to feel ashamed though, you’re simply under the effect of a spell.” 

“He’s right Panther, it’s perfectly normal,” Makoto said, and upon receiving a grateful smile from the blonde, turned to Akira, “Should we head back to the last safe area and wait for the ailment to wear off itself? It’s just one floor up.” 

“Let’s go,” The leader said with a nod.

As expected, being afflicted with Hunger not only lowered your damage of attacks, but also greatly stimulated your appetite. However, Ann took the ailment to a whole new level – in the fifteen minute time since they arrived the safe area, she had already gobbled down a bowl of curry rice, a melon pan, two energy bars, a can of Dr. Salt NEO and a bottle of Earl Green.

With that much food sitting in her stomach, she could feel her leather suit getting tight around the abdomen. Thankfully, the status effect seemed to be wearing off too, as strength started to return to her limbs.

“Thank god, I’m feeling more like myself again,” Ann was munching away another energy bar, her earlier embarrassment long gone. 

“The voracity of your appetite…I’m deeply impressed,” Yusuke mused. 

Ryuji snorted. “No kiddin', you’re like a food incinerator burning down whatever you can put in your mouth. I’m startin' to worry you're gonna gulp down our whole food reserve.” 

“I swear, Lady Ann…” Morgana sounded a little hurt, his ears flattened. “At one point you were looking at me like dinner.” 

Ann waved off his concern. “Oh Mona don’t worry, I’ll never eat you.” Then she threw a glare at Ryuji. “You, on the other hand…” She suddenly put down the energy bar and grabbed his forearm, rolled up his sleeve and bit down the flesh. 

“Hey what you doin’!?” He yelped. “It’s my arm!” 

Ann let go a few seconds later, and huffed, “That’s payback for mocking me!” 

Rubbing at the bite mark, Ryuji scowled, “Geez, overstatin’ much?” Then a grumbling growl from someone’s stomach cut off any retort she had. “Really, Panther? Ya still hungry?” 

“That wasn’t me!” Ann protested. 

Yusuke raised his hand, unabashed. “Pardon me, I was the one making that sound.” 

Makoto frowned. “Fox, don’t tell me you skipped meal again…” 

“Certainly not, I ate a full bowl of bean sprouts before coming here, but I guess all those activities must have sped up the digestion process.” 

Makoto answered by pinching her nose bridge and shaking her head. Akira decided it was time to step in, and suggested, “What do you say we call it a day, go grab some burgers on our way back?” He then spotted Ann’s longing look. “…and some dessert?” 

“Yay! Joker you’re the best!” The blonde jumped in delight.

Morgana gaped. “…You can still eat after all that!?” 

“Oh silly, haven’t you heard of dessert stomach?” 


	5. Day 5: Rage Spell

**10/21 Rage Spell – Queen & Noir**

Akira wasn’t sure how things got out of control so fast.

One moment they were fighting a group of mediocre Shadows in the depth of Mementos, the next an enemy called for backup and a dozen more appeared out of nowhere, having both the front and stand-by teams surrounded. Before the leader could give out an order, one of the newly joined Shadows cast a wide-ranging effect spell on the Thieves. Most of them managed to dodge in time, but Makoto and Haru, standing closet to the foe, were hit square in the front and stumbled with a yelp.

“Shit!” Ryuji cursed. He and Yusuke immediately dashed in the girls’ direction.

“Oracle, what’s the status?” Akira called out to Futaba as he sliced his blade through a Shadow.

“It’s Rage!” Futaba spoke from inside Necronomicon. “On both Queen and Noir!”

Akira quickly ran through his mind for a Persona equipped with Energy Shower, but before he could summon it he was cut off by Haru’s angry snarl.

“GET OUT OF MY MAY!” He whirled and saw Ryuji jumped back, narrowly missing the axe Haru swung forward with full force at the Shadow ahead. The weapon landed straight on its neck, effectively chopping off its head with one clean strike. There wasn’t even time for it to scream.

Goggling open-mouthed, Ryuji said, “Er…Noir?”

The girl ignored him. Instead, she diverted her murderous look to another Shadow before darting forward to deliver a powerful melee attack with her axe.

A few feet away, an enraged Makoto had lunged at an enemy and greeted it with her fists, the impact sending it flying and crashing down on another foe. Not giving them time to recover, the strategist instantly jumped on top of them and pinned them down with her knees. She then proceeded to smother them with a series of hefty punches as she yelled in outrage.

Yusuke, who’d come to offer help, was left staring at the scene with keen interest.

As the two continued their onslaught, Ann and Morgana jogged to their leader’s side after defeating the Shadows on their end. “Joker, aren’t you gonna cure them?” the blonde asked.

“They have it under control,” Akira, hands in his pockets, smirked. “Let’s see how this plays out.” Ryuji and Yusuke must have come to the same conclusion, as they were now making their way back to join the audience.

“It would seem that our service is no longer required,” Yusuke remarked.

By then, the infuriating duo had taken over the fight by killing off half of the enemies. From their experience, the Rage effect would ban you from summoning Persona and using magic spells, yet somehow the rest of the gang could feel Makoto vibrating with destructive nuclear power. The same went for Haru – she was visibly emitting a ferocious purplish aura that would stifle one if they were to come too close.

Apparently they were not the only ones sensing their murderous energy, as the few remaining Shadows, now outnumbered by the Thieves, all had a similarly dreadful expression, looking ready to bolt at any second. Unfortunately for them, Makoto and Haru noticed immediately and stepped in to block the only escape route.

“Who said you’re allowed to leave!?” The look on Makoto’s face was particularly baleful and merciless. Akira was suddenly very grateful they had her on their side.

Frightened, the Shadows turned to Akira instead. “Please, show some mercy! Spare our lives!” pleaded one of them.

The leader tilted his head at the strategist, “Sorry, she’s the one in charge of this negotiation.”

“You think you can just come and go as you like!?” Makoto’s face was burning hot with rage.

“P-Please, forgive us! We d-don’t want to die yet!” the Shadow begged, but its words were gasoline on her anger.

“You should’ve thought about that before ambushing us!” she roared. “Noir!”

“On it!” Haru cried out. Axe ready in her hands, she wasted no time to lurch forward and give the begging foe a robust swing, slicing it in half. Meanwhile, Makoto vent her rage on another with heavy punches, prying out painful cries from it before it went down and vanished.

“Huh,” Ryuji said. “I thought _I_ was the hitter in the team.”

“Well, you still are,” Akira gave his back a pat. “Just not as good as Queen and Noir.”

As if to prove his statement, the two combined force to deliver their showtime attack in a frenzy, giving the last few standing Shadows the finishing blow even more powerful than the usual one.

“That’s _so_ sick!” Ryuji exclaimed in excitement.

“Hooray! Girl power for the win!” Ann cheered.

Yusuke gave an appreciative nod as he framed the scene with his hands, “Their intense energy and seamless collaboration were certainly pleasing to the eye!”

Akira looked on with amusement. It seemed the raging girls had earned themselves a little fan club.

With all foes down, Morgana shouted to draw their attention, “Alright, Queen, Noir. Let’s get you cured and move on!”

“NO! Don’t you _dare_ stop me now!” Makoto barked back. “I’m _not_ done yet!” She then stormed to the metal door nearby and began punching it wildly, creating visible dents on the surface.

“Neither am I!” Haru echoed, swinging her axe to a pillar to release her pent-up emotion, sending debris flying everywhere. “I’m,” _CHOP._ “sick of,” _CHOP._ “people,” _CHOP._ “telling me,” _CHOP._ “WHAT TO DO!!!!”

“Um…” Futaba’s voice came from above. “Should I stop them?” She had yet to leave her Persona, wary of getting caught in the outrage. “I can sneak up and throw Relax Gel from above if you want, they won’t notice a thing.”

“Nah, let them get it out first,” Akira answered. “They’ve been under a lot of stress lately, especially Noir.”

“If you say so…”

Ann suddenly swiveled around. “Skull, hit me with Rage, I know you just learned it!”

“Wha--Why!?”

“Because smashing things without purpose seems fun!” she bounced. “I wanna join them!”

“Not you too, Panther…” Morgana said, deflated.

“Ya for real?” Skull raised an eyebrow. “Swingin’ your weapon and fists like that, your muscle’s gonna hurt like hell the next day.”

Ann thought for a moment, considering whether it was worth it for her arms and legs to turn jelly in exchange for some fun time. She said in the end, “’right then, I’ll just cheer for them on the sideline.”

The rampage went on for another few minutes. By the time both Makoto and Haru were panting and sweating profusely, their movement considerably slowed down, there was a giant pit on the metal door and the pillar was on the edge of collapsing.

It was a good thing vandalism was not a crime in the Metaverse.

“Okay, time to intervene.” Akira stepped forward and called out, “Queen, Noir, I’m curing both of you now. No argument.”

“NO! Jok–” Makoto snapped back, but the leader had already summoned Parvati and cast Energy Shower on the two inflicted members. They fell to their knees almost instantly, their anger and strength completely gone. Akira approached and crouched down in one knee.

“Did you have fun, girls?” he asked in a playful tone.

Haru moaned in pain. “Ahh…my arms…”

“Why didn’t you stop us sooner…?” Makoto groaned. Her hands wouldn’t stop shaking.

“You wouldn’t let us,” Akira shrugged, “Not to mention both of you seemed to be enjoying it.”

“I _did_ enjoy it! It was a lot of fun!” Haru giggled despite her exhaustion. “And I’d love to do it again sometime!”

Makoto sighed, but with a weak smile, “I’ll admit…It feels good to let off some steam.”

“Not to mention you two looked _badass_ while doing it!” Ryuji added, grinning.

“Now,” Akira suddenly picked up Makoto in a princess carry. Ryuji followed suit by lifting up Haru. “Shall we get you out of here, Queen?”

Makoto could only nod as she felt her face burnt hot with something other than fury.


End file.
